Thursday, February 14, 2013

Wine, Lipgloss and Mascara

Last week when joyful vacationers boared Carnival's cruise ship "Triumph", they were clueless to the fact it was actually the S.S. Minnow from Gilligan's Island!

Thankfully, unlike the S.S. Minnow, there was someone aboard the Triumph that could build a coconut radio. The four day tour (four day tour) left from a port in Texas and was supposed to return on Monday. An electrical fire on Sunday left the boat and it's passengers stranded at sea until Thursday!
(Did you sing it like Gilligan's theme song..Three hour tour, three hour tour)

Carnival bills itself as the "Fun Ship". I'm guessing the approx. 4,000 people on that ship beg to differ. By now they have run out of lobster dinners, martinis and even clean underwear! The cruisers have minimal power and few working restrooms. The fun never ends! These people were only planning on listening to steal drums for four days!  I can only imagine the outrage when it came time to burn the B.I.N.G.O cards so they could cook hot dogs. The "daily bulletin" that is slipped under their doors reads "day at sea, again and until further notice".

Besides "That would sooooo suuuuuuuuuck" the only other thing that pops into my mind is,  "If you were stuck on a desert island what three thing would you bring?"

Not to long ago, I had asked Mama,

"If you were stuck on a deserted Island, what three things would you take with you?"

With out any hesitation, she said, "Wine, Lip gloss, and Mascara." I shot her a look of disappointment. "HELLLLLLLO, why wouldn't you bring me?! I'm TOTALLY FUN"! Also, why aren't sis and the dadster invited to "Kay's Spa and Wine Bar Island?

FYI...You need at least three people if you are going to pass the time with limbo contests and Congo lines! EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT!

She replied, "If I was stuck on the deserted Island it's most likely your fault to begin with." After giving her the my "your mean" look, I shrugged my shoulders because she is probably right. (Although, I'm guessing the wine had something to do with it too!) Add the dadster and sis to the mix, I'm not sure a tug boat would find us.

That got me thinking (DANGER DANGER). She totally knew, exactly what she would bring with her. I have NO CLUE what I would bring. Just so you know, my desert island also includes mama, the dadster and sis. AND on my island, when you pick something there is enough to share with everyone! Ohhh and of course, there is enough for as long as you are on the island. Moral of the story, I don't need wine, lip gloss or mascara.

OMG****Side note- I was going to put a picture a guy on a "deserted island" here. I went to get the link and tt was a porn site! YEP, not gonna take porn with me on a family deserted island!

Since, I really don't want porn guy to be on the island with us, I would take another guy with me. It didn't take me long to figure out who that would be....

Pat Sajak

I know you are thinking. "WHAT? WHAT?" but hear me out. He is A-DOOR-ABLE, he is funny, and knows the alphabet. Could you imagine the stories this guy would tell! All the behind the scences gossip. I'm guessing after all these years, Vanna White comes as a set. You just look at Vanna and know, she will take advantage of the unlimited wine! When we get bored of the doing the limbo, he (or they if Vanna comes too) could draw prize puzzles in the sand. The dude totally looks like he would enjoy a glass (or 12) at sunset.

Added bonus, Marine wildlife loves him! I bet fish just swim up to him and jump in his arms. We will never starve! 

Since really this is MY desert island, I should mention that it is full of oranges, mangos, lemons, and limes. You know the normal island staples. OHHHH let's not forget the coconuts! (And avocados but I don't need them for this! 

I bet you thought I would say Bud Light, but not this time. Why smirnoff?  I'm not sure when these tugs boats are going to reach us. Smirnoff has so many different flavors and with all my fruit bearing trees on the island, it would take awhile to make every combination. Look at those options! 

Also, mama loves Smirnoff Ice. She is supplying unlimited lip gloss, it's really the least I could do! 

I know it just my family and Pat Sajak on this island but mama says you should always look your best because you never know who you are going to meet.What if the people that finally come to rescue us are hot? I don't want to be looking like this when the show up! 

So I take....

I would love to have shampoo, conditioner, soap, tweezers, razors, deodorant etc. Except Pat S. I've been kind vague. So let's IF I had to pick my favorite form of hygiene I would pick...

To know me, is to know I LOVE to brush my teeth and/or go to the dentist. So if I can only pick ONE, I'm gonna to have to give up my Big Sexy gel, hair spray and root lift. I will miss my Dove shampoo, conditioner, body wash AND deodorant. I'm guessing since it's just mama, the dadster, sis, Pat and I, I don't really need any of my MAC make up. (HINT HINT SIS bring some face wash) I do declare that I get everything dental care! I want a toothbrush that 5 out of 5 dentist recommend. I want pre mouth wash, mouth wash, after mouth-mouth wash! An added bonus would be if  a(hot, single, male, age appropriate) dentist shows up when it's time for a cleaning! 

I know that everyone is thinking your desert island is the exact opposite of one. I'm more Gilligan's Island and not at all castaway. I think most people will understand! 

What three things would you bring?


Professor: Ginger, I've got no time for Tom Foolery.
Ginger:    I've got time for Tom, Dick and Harry Foolery too!!!!

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